The doctor’s appointment came and went

So I should probably let you all know how things went at the doctor yesterday, especially since I haven’t talked to anyone since I got home. Honestly, I’m kind of having a hard time processing things. It was at UNMC, which is obviously a teaching place, so in addition to my doctor I dealt with her resident and a visiting med student from China who was shadowing her. I liked the resident and the med student didn’t say anything; at first I was worried because he was a guy and I have a hard time talking about trans issues around guys because I think they think I failed at being a man, but he was so non-invasive that I completely forgot he was there 30 seconds after we were introduced. My doctor was a tiny yet intimidating Eastern European woman. I think she may be Czech. I’m intimidated by Eastern Europeans because they seem incredibly blunt and forceful. It’s weird. I’m going to keep seeing her despite the fact that I’m worried that she is going to start hurling insults at me because she’s some sort of expert in transgender health, which is why she has people coming from around the world to shadow her. She also knows more about the issue than anyone else I’ve talked to: I wasn’t expecting to learn anything new, but I did. Apparently there have been rare reports of transwomen developing benign pituitary tumors after starting hormones. (She says she’s never seen it in her practice, but she does routine tests just to make sure.) She was actually quite complimentary: Part of the psych eval my doctors sent over included my GPA, and she was very impressed. Anyway, it was basically a two-hour interview session to make sure I was ready for all this jazz, then she cut me a prescription and took my blood for baseline levels so she could track my progress and check my thyroid levels (I had Hashimoto’s thyroiditis as a teenager and apparently that may be a problem). I go back in three months for another check-up. I need to have quit smoking by then. (I’ve already gotten on that.)

Anyway, I’ve been in shock since then. It just seems like things should be more difficult than they’ve been lately. I had a pretty hard time from 2007-2010 which pretty much resulted in me dropping off the face of the earth for a while, and now I’ve become conditioned to think that life is always shitty. These past two years have been so great that I’m expecting something life-shattering to be just around the corner. I don’t know, it’s kind of weird. I just hope I don’t become paranoid. Maybe things can get better.

There’s a lot more I want to say, but like I said, I’m having a hard time processing things, so I’m just going to leave it at that. Peace out. Thanks for your support.

Doomsday averted! (Oh-oh-oh)

So things are looking up! I was freaking out after getting shitty grades on my last philosophy assignments (or what I deem as shitty, which is basically anything that isn’t perfect) and worrying about my Philosophy of Language paper which I was supposed to have back by now. When I wrote it I felt good about it even though it took me no more than an hour and a half (I knew exactly what to say), but I also felt good about that exam that I got a B+ on in Theory of Knowledge, so in my depressive funk I was freaking out and thinking I got an F- on this paper. Anyway, I emailed my professor and she told me I got an A+, which makes me especially happy since she grades on a 4.3-point scale and even though it doesn’t actually show in my official transcript I like it when professors acknowledge an exceptional grasp of the material (I may not be a whiz philosopher, but my verbal IQ is so high that I could probably write my own dictionary so I’m down with this philosophy of language jazz). On top of that, I’m all over every single one of these study questions for the midterm tomorrow. Motherfucker, I’ma dominate this class!

Funny how the mood changes. It might also have something to do with the fact that I started taking my meds again. (I was broke and couldn’t afford them.) Either way, I’m no longer anti-world. (For now.)

(It’s the only one I could find!)