The world is a terrible place

SO I disappeared there for a while! These things happen. I’ve been going through a really crazy existential funk. Basically I’m losing my appreciation for the academic world, which is the only place I ever really fit in, so I’m working on trying to find my place in the world, which is causing lots of depression. The good news is that I got a new writing project out of it. It’s another novel (I’m still working on the other one; that’s actually what I’m doing right now), and I think I may post the tentative first chapter here once I’ve fixed a few things. (It’s more of a brief introduction.)

In other news, I’ve been slacking off on my studies just to see how much I can get away with. I found out that English professors are oblivious to slackerliness, whereas philosophy professors can spot it a mile away and punish it (I got B+s on an exam I didn’t study for in Theory of Knowledge and a paper I didn’t do all the reading for in History of Modern Philosophy, whereas in my English classes I’m writing my papers literally hours before they’re due and not proof-reading them and getting A+s). I should be working on a paper for a writing class right now, but instead I think I’m going to watch some shitty History Channel “documentary” about UFOs, which I intend to write about later. I don’t like being a slacker, but it’s hard to work when you’re incredibly depressed, especially when you can get away with it and not have any negative repercussions. (I have resolved to work harder in my philosophy classes, and intend to study for my Philosophy of Language midterm for a considerable chunk of time tonight and tomorrow morning.)

To make matters worse, I had a dream last night that an ex that I’ve never completely gotten over was killed and replaced by a really obnoxious doppelganger who seemed to embody the antithesis of everything I loved about the real woman. I’m sure any psychologist reading this would have some things to say about that. (Incidentally, she was killed by a cute fuzzy bunny and a really adorable cartoon penguin. For reals. I wonder what that means?) Anyway, the point is I woke up wanting to shoot my subconscious mind in the face. It’s times like this that I envy the lobotomized. Life would be much easier if we were all mindless drones.

Anyway, since I know I have a few friends who check in here just to see how I’m doing, I thought I’d post an update. More to come soon (hopefully).

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The ups and downs of novelizing

I’m working on my first novel right now and it’s coming along okay. I’ve published a few short stories and a poem in small literary magazines so I know I’ve got what it takes to write the short stuff, but novelizing is a fair bit more difficult. Mainly it’s coming up with a good beginning. I’ve rewritten the first chapter about six times now, and just a few days ago I scrapped it and integrated the few important bits into the second chapter, which is now tentatively serving as the first because my friend told me that he thought that was were the story really began. I will perhaps post it on my deviantArt site to see what others think, but really I don’t like sharing my work in progress unless it’s with other writers who are critiquing it and giving me constructive feedback.

In case you’re wondering, my novel is a surrealist failed love story. It’s about a struggling musician in his mid-twenties who meets and falls in love with a trans woman, but their relationship can never really get off the ground. The surrealist part comes in when he gains the ability to manipulate/control people with his music, but he can’t use that power on people he really cares about. I generally call my work “American fantastique” because that’s what I’m mostly inspired by. Most of my work is also heavy on religious or mythological themes (like much fantastique).

The working title of this project is ORPHEUS, so I’ll use that as the tag for posts relating to this novel in the future if you’re at all interested in keeping up with how it’s coming along.